He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
