Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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