I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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