I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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