all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
