So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
