then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
