you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
