i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
