If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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