i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He shit in the fireplace
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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