I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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