I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
