So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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