then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
