Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
