So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
