is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
