I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
