As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
