I wish I could teleport
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
