somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Sober January is a disaster.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
