he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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