your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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