im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
