So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
