The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Everclear isn't food dammit
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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