his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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