Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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