Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
