If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
