she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
