Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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