WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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