I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
