There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
