Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
