If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
