i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
