Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
