I wannas sexs uuuuu
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
