i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
this is an emotional support booty call
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
there is glitter all over my balls
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