I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
