i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Two words: nipple clamps
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