look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
