I love black thongs
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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