I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
