dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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