thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
