Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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