Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
