1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
