I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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