Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
