If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
