soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
