Slut skills are useful in every country.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
