All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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