I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
