if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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